Fireworks
by HogwartsPrincess11587
Summary: The explosion of coloured lights in the sky leads to an explosion of emotion as Kelly Severide and Erin Lindsay discuss their feelings. A Linseride reunion attempt. R&R :D


**Dedicated to the incredible LaJoy Mechell - who has been very patient while I took my time to write this - as a thank you for the 300th review of Baby Severide. Please enjoy :D **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Chicago Fire/PD or any of the characters. **

"Erin"Kelly greeted with a smile, sliding onto the bar stool next to her.

"Severide" She said flatly, not even looking up.

"What are you doing here alone?" He questioned, surprised to even see her at Molly's, it had been months. Erin looked at him then gestured over her shoulder, towards the back of the establishment the rest of the intelligence unit sat at a table. Kelly noted Voight's presence and the somber mood at the table before turning back to Erin, downing another shot and waving for more. "Are you alright?"

"Yep" She nodded, sipping her beer while waiting for Otis to pour more vodka. He watched in shock as she continued to drink at an astonishing rate, as soon as Otis filled the shot glass it would be gone, he had a feeling it wasn't her first beer either.

"You should probably slow down" He suggested as she requested another beer, he had barely touched his own. It was easy to see that Otis was scared to deny the detective and he understood why, she was small but fierce and had enough alcohol in her system to think she was capable of just about anything.

"Ha" She laughed coldly, throwing a glare at him with as little energy as was possible. He was hardly one to talk.

"I'm serious, no more" Kelly told her firmly looking at Otis instead.

"You can't stop me" Erin assured.

"I...I..ah...can" Otis contributed weakly, all he had to do was stop pouring.

"I'll just go somewhere else" She threatened though she knew he was right, she couldn't keep drinking at this rate, but for some reason she could still see the moment clearly in her mind. Gunshots then silence. Clearing the rooms. Finding his body. All that blood.

"Erin, what's going on?" Kelly asked, he could see that she was far away, remembering something.

"Why do you care?" She questioned in response.

"Because I care about you" He answered honestly.

"Oh" She managed with a small smile. Erin had plenty of coping strategies, unfortunately most of them weren't particularly good for her in the long run. There was no way she could talk about it, she'd tried that already and had punched someone on both occasions. Running hadn't helped because she had seen him in the face of every person she ran past. Showering with the water as hot as it could get had helped for a little while but then she'd thrown on some clothes and opted for alcohol as a slightly longer term solution, at least overnight. It wasn't working and she was running out of ideas, that was until another approach waltzed into the bar. "Take me home" She requested, voice soft and low as she turned in her chair to face him for the first time, confusion in his blue eyes.

"Sure" He agreed. Next thing he knew she was kissing him, she'd grabbed a handful of his shirt and pulled until their mouths connected. It was wrong on so many levels but he had to kiss her back, he'd always loved her lips. They broke apart and sucked in air, he fell from his chair but her hold on his shirt kept him upright. She pulled him closer, holding his hips between her knees as she used her free hand to reach for the back of his neck. Then they were kissing again, sloppily with tongues and teeth working to no particular rhythm, hungry for as much of the other as they could get.

"Ahm?" Someone cleared their throat, male and close. Erin knew who it was but didn't care, only turning to look at him when they had to stop to breathe anyway.

"What?" She questioned rudely. "I'm an adult" She reminded after enduring his disapproving look as he tried to work out exactly what to say to her.

"Do you want me to drive you home?" Hank Voight asked, wondering why he was the one that was embarrassed. It could have been because he had raised her, even if it had only been for a few years. Or maybe because she was far too intoxicated to be. He couldn't even look at the fireman without wanting to pull out his gun so he didn't, the young man was clearly taking advantage of her drunken state.

"I'm good" Erin answered, Hank frowned then turned and left, she was right. As an adult she had the right to get drunk and make out with whoever she liked. Kelly and Erin shared a moment of eye contact, then she shrugged and brought his mouth to hers again. This time he was slower to respond, Voight hadn't even looked at him but he knew what they were doing was wrong, what he was doing actually, she clearly wasn't in her right mind.

"I'll take you home" Kelly said when her teeth finally released his bottom lip long enough for him to terminate the kiss.

"That's not necessary" Jay intervened, no longer able to sit back and watch as his partner made a fool of herself. They'd had a bad day but she was only making it worse for herself.

"Jay go away" She instructed, surprising herself with how polite she was being.

"Erin, I'm taking you home. You need to sleep" Jay argued.

"I'll get her home safe" Kelly assured. The men looked at each other, both calculating exactly what would be required in a fight. Jay already had a black eye and was less well built, but he was most likely faster and better practiced as well.

"I've punched you once today, I'll do it again" Erin offered, unable to keep the amusement from her voice. She still couldn't quite believe the ease with which she'd punched him. To be fair he certainly hadn't been expecting it, though given how angry she'd been he probably should have.

"Is this what you want Erin? For him to take you home?" Jay questioned, making it clear that he knew there would be more to it. He didn't want to look hurt or jealous but it was hard not to, seeing her with another man made it difficult to breathe, he was trying to be rational for her sake.

"Maybe it is" She answered carefully, eager to see his reaction. They hadn't been anything more than partners for months now and they wouldn't be anything more in the foreseeable future either. But until tonight neither of them had expressed any interest in anyone else, he didn't blame her though she was angry, confused and drunk.

"And you're okay with that? Taking her home?" Jay demanded of Kelly, it had become a euphemism and they all knew it.

"I'll get her home safely" Kelly answered, fighting the insinuation that he would do anything more.

"Fine, you know what? Feel free" Jay shrugged, thumping Kelly's shoulder firmly before walking out of the bar. One look at Erin was all he had needed to make up his mind, he could see the pain in her eyes but also the fight, she wasn't going to let him help. The more he tried to stop it the more stubborn she would be, she'd end up doing it just to spite him.

"Lets go" Kelly said throwing cash onto the bar before taking her hand and leading her through the crowd, out to his car. He opened the door for her and helped her in, doing up the seat belt for her when she lacked the coordination. Kelly didn't know Halstead very well but he wondered if his reputation was so bad that the detective actually thought he would do anything to Erin in her current state. Erin was quiet, contemplative, as they drove the familiar streets. Thinking about getting home, getting into bed and feeling safe, then she remembered the clothes she had left on the floor, still covered in blood.

"I can't go home" She realised aloud.

"What?" Kelly asked, they were less than a block from her apartment building.

"I can't, don't make me, please..." She pleaded, as if he were delivering her to her place of execution. There wasn't far to go so she had to think quickly, give him somewhere else to take her instead but her mind wouldn't let her think. That was it. "Take me somewhere I can think"

"Um...Where?" He questioned, slowing as they drove past her building, he wasn't sure why he was listening to her.

"Anywhere, somewhere quiet" She requested as they stopped at a red light. There was only one place he could think of, his own escape when life got too much, so he flicked on the indicator and took her there. The fire department training academy, he had been a student and teacher there and he felt more comfortable there than he did in his own bed. He helped her out of the car and they walked along the perimeter fence until he found the section where the wire was loose, he'd done this countless times but always alone. Erin, alert and eager, followed him through the fence and across the parade ground towards the three fire trucks. Kelly had forgotten he wasn't alone, the routine so familiar that he did what he always did, climbed atop the truck on the far left, turned the key that was always there, extended the ladder and started to climb. After thinking for a moment Erin swallowed hard and followed, she could feel that her reaction time had diminished, that she was cognitively impaired and knew it wasn't such a great idea. Only when Kelly reached the top, turned and sat down on the second highest rung did he realise what he had done. He had never felt afraid at the top of a ladder before, by the time he thought to act she had almost reached him, stopping a few rungs down to turn and sit herself. "This is perfect" She sighed, looking out across the city, they weren't extremely high but it was enough to see over the tops of the surrounding buildings and houses. It was cold too, the bitter wind against her skin the first thing she had really felt all evening, forcing back the numbness.

"I shouldn't have brought you here, we should get down, it's not safe" He replied, moving down until he was right above her, able to reach out and grab her if anything happened.

"I'm not going to fall" She said certainly.

"You're drunk" He reminded, placing a hand on her back so he could grab her if something happened.

"Not that drunk" She defended, shifting down further so his hand fell away.

"I've never seen you drink that much" He noted after a long silence.

"I've never killed a kid before" Erin responded distantly.

"What?!" He demanded, thinking she was in some way responsible for a child's death explained her drinking.

"I shot..." She started, the word emphasised by a loud popping explosion. They both jumped, trying to locate where the noise had come from. It wasn't hard as orbs of coloured light filled the sky. Fireworks. "I shot a little boy today" She tried again, watching the sky light up over the city.

"I know you didn't do it intentionally" He assured, that much was obvious.

"We were raiding a house, Halstead should have been behind me but he wasn't..." She began to recall, it was clear she partially blamed her partner. "I found the offender we were after, and two of his friends, they started to shoot at me so I returned fire, so did Al, Ruzek and Antonio. Voight and Halstead came up from behind, we'd killed two of them and they cuffed the third. We searched the house for the drugs we were looking for, starting with the cupboard they'd been defending. And there was the kid, hiding with the drugs, four bullet holes in his chest and blood everywhere...I tried" She didn't want to be crying about it but she was, thankful she was facing away from him so he couldn't see. He knew though, shifting to place a hand on either shoulder as he thought about the best way to respond.

"If you were all shooting how do you know your bullets killed him?" He questioned.

"I don't for sure, it was me or Ruzek though... The others were using different guns... Probably me... They're doing an autopsy. I'll know in the morning. I'm going to lose my badge...He was seven years old..." She answered between sobs, as sober as ever as she remembered every detail of the afternoon raid.

"Ssh" He soothed, pulling her up onto his lap, holding her tightly as she continued to cry. It took a long time for her to calm down, her head resting under his chin, looking out at the fireworks. They were celebrating something, bright, colourful and happy. Her chest tightened as she realised she was enjoying them, that shouldn't be allowed, she had killed a child. It went against everything, serve and protect, not murder innocent children. Trying to turn so she couldn't see them didn't work so she pushed away his arms and started to climb down, being extra cautious now that tears blurred her vision. Not that she didn't think she deserved to fall to her death. Once on the ground she paced back and forth along the side of the firetruck, waiting for Kelly to join her. "It was an accident"

"He's still dead" She argued.

"Yeah he is, and you can't change that. There's nothing you can do except take your mind off it" He said, grabbing her shoulders and holding her stationary.

"That's what I was trying to do" Erin explained with a frown, he'd been the one who stopped her.

"Alcohol isn't the answer" He provided unhelpfully. She tilted her head to the side as she thought about it, eyes locked with his until she blinked. When she opened her eyes his lips were the only thing in focus. Alcohol wasn't the answer so she kissed him. "Erin no" He said as he pushed her back, she hit his hands out the way and pressed him to the firetruck, he was too surprised with the power of her small frame to stop her second attack. With a hand on either side of his face she applied pressure at the hinge of his jaw, forcing his mouth open so she could advance. She was so good that it didn't take long for him to stop fighting, pleasure silencing his screaming mind. They were both out of breath, trying to catch up on missed oxygen between kisses but it never seemed to be enough. The fire raging within them both had consumed it all and was now threatening to do the same to them if they didn't act. Overpowering her mind and driving her to pull at his jacket, unzipping it then sliding it off his broad shoulders, hands roaming his chest for a moment.

"Aha" She announced triumphantly when she tested and found the door handle unlocked. A zombie, desperate for her body not her brain, he was pulled into the firetruck behind her, pulling the door closed after them. Now they could lose their clothes more easily, without the breeze it was warm enough not to get goosebumps immediately. He wasn't doing much, just siting on the bench seat against the back of the cabin, letting her tear at his clothes while intermittently removing her own. Straddling him, two thin layers of fabric the only thing separating them. Fireworks a graphic representation of what they were feeling. She circled her hips to grind against him, forcing him to realise just how close they were getting to thing he had forbidden himself from doing.

"Erin we can't" He breathed against her neck, hands still running up and down her bare back.

"Why?" She questioned, breathlessly.

"You're drunk and upset and tired" He answered, each alone was reason enough but combined made it completely wrong.

"Please Kelly" Erin pleaded, knowing his weakness she combined the movement of her hips with that of her tongue on his ear. Small rocking motions as she sucked on his earlobe.

"No" He grunted, it was taking everything he had to resist her.

"Why did you marry her? You couldn't commit to dinner with me but you could commit to her for life" She questioned, it was ancient history and he knew what she was doing. Trying to guilt him into it.

"Erin I never loved her, she just knew what I was feeling, we were both doing what you're trying to do right now. Fixing problems with alcohol and sex. It doesn't work, trust me. I love you and respect you far too much for this to continue so we're going to get dressed and I'm going to take you home"

"Please, I need this" She begged desperately.

"No you don't" He said firmly.

"I want this" She assured, running her hands down his shoulders and arms to gesture to all of him.

"You want this?" He questioned, seeing the light of hope grow in her eyes.

"Yes" She nodded, leaning forward to kiss him before sitting back and looking at him again.

"If you still want this in the morning we'll talk. I want you, so badly, all of you, but this isn't the right way. We need to sit down and talk. I know you said we were too similar for it to work but I think you're wrong, I think if we put in the effort we could do this, we could be something. You'd have to let me in though, so I can help" He smiled softly.

"I didn't want to deal with your problems, you shouldn't have to deal with mine" She argued, not sure what was happening.

"My mum used to tell me that you halve your burdens every time you talk to someone. I'll take half the weight of yours and you'll do the same for me just by being there. We can make this work. Erin Lindsay I love you and I want to spend every moment of every day with you" He declared honestly, finally verbalising the way he felt about her.

"What?!"

"I love you" He repeated, it was so much easier to say the second time.

"You never said that before" She whispered, eyes wide as she tried to understand.

"I know, I was an idiot. I couldn't see it until I lost it, we're meant to be together" He laughed, realising how ridiculous he must sound.

"Kelly?" She asked, was he insane?

"I know this is sudden but I think about you all the time, no girl has ever done that to me before" He answered seriously.

"You won't have sex with me but you're okay with saying all this stuff, taking advantage of me emotionally? I'm a mess I can't deal with this now" She cried, more conflicted than she'd ever felt, how the hell was she supposed to respond. Certain that the alcohol was in part responsible for her inability to comprehend what was happening.

"Is that what you think I'm doing?" He asked sadly, that hadn't been his intention at all.

"I haven't been thinking about you... I dated Jay... I moved on... And now you're finally opening up, which is exactly what I wanted and I don't know why you're doing it now. I think I love you too and it's not fair. It's not fucking fair to do this to me right now... I'm going to lose my job in the morning, it's the only thing that's kept me going" She ranted, punctuating her words by thumping his chest with a fist. Fireworks, she felt like she was exploding, it was all too much.

"Erin" He sighed as she slid from his lap, gathering her clothes from the floor in a desperate attempt to cover herself. She had never been both physically and emotionally naked in front of a man before.

"Don't" She snapped.

"Please?" He questioned, not sure what he really wanted from her.

"Take me home" She demanded, throwing open the door and climbing out before he could speak again. Walking as fast as she could in the general direction that had come, she found the loose section and made her way through the fence, only stopping when she got to his locked car. He wasn't far behind and without a word he drove her home. She didn't protest when he got out of the car and followed her up the stairs, she was too impatient to wait for the elevator. Opening her apartment door she stopped, all along the hall were her discarded work clothes, covered in blood. He didn't know what was happening, one second she was standing in front of him, stopped just inside the door, the next she collapsed to the floor. Catching her as best he could he followed her down, holding her tightly as everything she had tried to contain broke free in strangled sobs. It hurt to hear her suffering, knowing there was nothing he could do. She stopped suddenly and he was sure she'd exhausted herself, then she was moving. On her feet and running, overcoming the shock he got up and went after her arriving in time to hold her hair back as she vomited violently.

"It's okay, you're alright, it's okay" He calmed as she coughed and spluttered, convinced she couldn't breathe between the waves of nausea. There wasn't much for her to expel, though the alcohol burned twice as badly the second time around. After a few minutes he handed her her toothbrush, only helping her up once she had thoroughly cleaned her teeth. Splashing cold water onto her face made her almost feel human for a moment. She couldn't manage more than a few steps without wobbling so he scooped her up, carrying her out to her bed.

"I'm okay" She argued when he tugged her shirt up and over her head.

"Sshhh" He replied, continuing to undress her before finding pyjamas and helping her into them. He lay her down and pulled the covers over her. "One minute" He instructed, leaving the room to get her a glass of water. Thanks to Shay he knew painkillers would do more harm than good. "All of it"

"My throat hurts" She complained before draining the second half. He sat watching her for a moment then took the glass and refilled it, placing it back on the bedside table so she'd have it when she woke up. Leaving her to sleep he encountered a problem, he had to leave her apartment to take the bloodstained clothes to the laundry downstairs. It didn't take too long to find a spare key and get the clothes on, after checking on her he settled on the couch for the few hours that remained before sunrise. He didn't feel like he'd been asleep for five minutes when he felt her hand shake his shoulder.

"Mmm?" He asked, looking up in the dim morning light.

"Please" She requested in a whisper, taking his hand and dragging him through to the bedroom. He lay down and she curled into his side, finally able to sleep properly.

**This one was really hard to write. I had three things in mind when I planned this: A Linseride reunion, fireworks and sex in the back of a firetruck (don't judge me!). Then it kind of got really heavy (I don't normally do angst) so I didn't go through with the last one... I quite like it though and I hope you did too. I would love to see where it could go but I am committed to Baby Severide (which you should totally read if you want more Linseride)... Maybe one day? Oh wait! That's the Linstead line... Review? **


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